Stars and Stripes, Parades, Fireworks and Lakes. America.

Celebrating America with Stereotypical Awesomeness!

If this isn't America then I don't want to live here

America's Founding Fathers were a large group of political leaders, statesmen, soldiers, diplomats and regular everyday ordinary citizens who at some level, whether minor or grandiose, helped put into action the process that eventually led to the formation of The United States of America. Those that we read about in history books signed the Declaration of Independence and established the United States Constitution. Less celebrated heros fought bravely alongside each other during the Revolutionary War and died anonymously, unless they were portrayed by *Mel Gibson in The Patriot.

* For the record I've never seen The Patriot with Mel Gibson because I heard it was a terrible movie, so I have no idea who he portrayed. Well, that's not entirely true, I saw about seven minutes of it on TBS one afternoon, but it was, as I mentioned above, a pretty terrible seven minutes, so I changed the channel. I have, however, seen The Patriot with Steven Seagal - all of it. And comparing it to the seven terrible minutes I watched of Mel Gibson's version, I have to say that Seagal's is a much better version. It's a comedy, right? I digress...

It's unlikely that those men and women could have predicted the extent of the success of their endeavors, nor the direction in which the annual celebration of their triumph would evolve.

Sure, fireworks existed in the late 1700's. Try pulling the trigger after stuffing a loose ball of gunpowder down a musket and you'll see a light show. Parades happened all the time back then - it's impossible not to clap for people on horseback. And our version of a weekend lake trip shares only the most remote threads of commonality to our ancestors', who used the water for things like sustenance, laundry and mutton chop washing.

At this point though, it doesn't really matter how we celebrate our nation's birthday, just that we do so wearing some semblance of red, white and blue. And if you choose to celebrate it with friends, family or your overweight cats, by watching Independence Day (terrible movie, but still a great choice) or shooting off sparklers, or by struggling for hours to make homemade ice cream with a broken machine because your dad told you so, and at 32 you still have to do what your parents tell you to do, you're making the right decision.

Other than the obvious illegal and illicit activities, there's no wrong way to celebrate the 4th of July. This year, I took part in a parade whose total distance was less than that of how far I can kick a soccer ball. We grilled out and sat up on the deck with my nieces watching no less than seven different firework shows populate our 180+ degrees of vision, while my dog cowered inside, shivering, wishing the Brits had been more successful. My brothers and I drove a golf cart from tee box to tee box watching backyard firework displays.

I ended the weekend at Lake Tenkiller, a Hefner staple. Though it had been years since I last spent time there, and the family boat had long been sent to sea, aflame after a viking funeral ceremony (this part probably isn't true), I felt more than comfortable at Grandma Hefner's lakeside abode. I met new people and actually played games with them (for those who don't understand my almost allergic aversion to any sort of "game", this was a big deal). After a fun day on the water, wading safely from the shore and goofing around on jet ski's, we grilled out once more and celebrated long into the night and early morning.

A week later, the skin my back still peeling, I have these great pictures to prove my commitment to my country, my love for the stars and stripes and to use as proof that both my friends and family know how to have a good time. And if my patriotism is still in doubt, I suppose I can watch Independence Day for good measure. Again.

Dad participating in another 4th of July tradition: Avoiding housework 

I think it's obvious that David is attempting to close-line Georgia here 

The best part of being an uncle is spend fifteen minutes in the sun decorating your niece's bicycle only to have her destroy the streamers you so delicately placed. Or whatever. 

Reagan's eyes are closed because she thinks she saw a flying saucer to her right

It's amazing how much planning goes into a driveway parade

You NEED to see this picture again!

This probably happened when I told Sydney that she couldn't drive the car because she ripped off the streamers I taped to her bike 

The lead car. If you look closely you can catch me wearing a sleeveless shirt in the windshield's reflection. Very American!

Off to the races, with some encouraging pushes

OK, she left some of the streamers on, but the totally took at least two off

The parade in full force, Reagan in the back watching how other vehicles take the "hot corner" onto the street

Bringing up the tail end

No way David's not singing at this moment

Looking at this picture, I simply can't conjure up a snarky remark

Don't judge, some of us express our patriotism in freaking weird unusual ways

Many a 4th of July emergency room visit include with the phrase "cigar-lit fireworks"

Hef and I sporting copious amounts of patriotism and chest hair

Nick doling out instructions from the jet-ski

Tigersharks watching over our close-knit standing flotilla

Our Cast Away style raft, both ingenious and practical, turned into a floating recycling plant

Cole posing before shredding the lake

These chicks have NO IDEA what's coming

Never-mind, they do

Aunt Sam? Miss America? Slash on a patriotic bender? Only took seconds to come up with those...

Tara proving that there's more than one way to wear a hula skirt

I call this picture "Lakeside Serenity". Hef calls it "Quit piddling with the camera and just take the damn picture, meow!"