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| The Director and I |
When I learned as an eleven year old that I was moving to
Wichita from Atlanta, I was, quite frankly, unimpressed. To sell us kids on the
move, the future executive director for the Sunlight Children’s Advocacy &
Rights Foundation (SCARF) – or as I call her, mom – bought the Brantner
brothers cowboy boots because, having never set foot in the state of Kansas and
prone to believing stereotypes, it was her assumption that Midwest kids were
cowboys. In spite of (or maybe, to spite) her best efforts, I did not wear them
once. A mere twenty-one years later though, my brothers and I reunited in
Wichita and donned full cowboy gear for a fundraiser, the Buckaroo Ball,
fulfilling this destiny. It would appear that gratitude for a kind gesture
falls outside of the statute of limitations.
After having valiantly served the school kids of Atlanta and
Wichita for (she’d kill me if I divulge the specific number of) decades, our
mother, Suzi Thien, followed her passion for child advocacy into an environment
where she could help make an even bigger impact. She applied for the position
of SCARF executive director on the theory that her experience as a school
counselor plus volunteer work with those less fortunate, combined with her love
of children and innate desire to protect those who are most troubled, not to
mention the thick skin she developed raising three mouthy, over-active,
hyper-competitive boys, would be enough for this great organization to make a
leap of faith and offer her the position.
And that’s exactly what happened. She found herself in this
new role, her first job outside of the education system since college, having
impressed the organization to the extent that she was offered the job in spite
of the fact that, due to nerves or general forgetfulness, she wore just one
earring to the interview.
The SCARF mission is simple: To provide resources and
facilities that support and protect abused and neglected children and their
families.
Located in El Dorado, KS, this organization has helped over
800 children deal with abuse and neglect since 2007. SCARF, and specifically
the Sunlight Child Advocacy Center (CAC), offers a safe environment in which
forensically trained professionals can interview abused or neglected children,
so they can report their story just once. Without this organization, these
emotionally-affected children may have to relive their horrific experience repeatedly
in locations that can be scary and intimidating to kids, such as police
stations, courthouses, doctor’s offices.
SCARF staff members conduct the taped (audio and video) interviews
in a child-friendly room with the appropriate authorities for two main reasons:
1) to have an accurate, documented record of what the child has reported, thus
reducing the need for multiple interviews, and 2) to provide evidence to the
prosecution, should the case go to trial.
Depending on the nature of the case, SCARF may work with
representatives from law enforcement, the Department for Children and Families
(DCF), medical and mental health, prosecution, or family advocacy to ensure
that once all facts have been reported, the child’s case can be brought to
justice as swiftly as possible. This removes the burden from the child and
their non-offending family, and puts it in the hands of those who best know how
to handle it. And more importantly, it allows victims of abuse to move past
their trauma and begin the difficult healing process, emotionally, psychologically
and often times, physically.
SCARF is led by a passionate board, many of whom have
experience in dealing with child abuse investigations, or are concerned
community members acting on behalf of abused and neglected children. These
generous individuals value the creation of an environment in which abuse cases
are responded to properly, yet they also strive to prevent such instances
through education of child abuse awareness, prevention, recognition, and
reporting issues in the community.
Staff and board members often speak at schools, churches and
community groups, raising awareness for their cause, teaching children and
their families signs to look for in abuse cases and providing information for
how to act when such horrible instances occur. It’s scary and incredibly sad to
know that over 90% of child abusers are known by their victims. That’s nine out
of ten cases. People need to know how to report this, if not prevent it from
happening at all. This is why SCARF exists.
True to the spirit of their mission, their current goal is
to raise funds to build the SunshineChildren’s Home. This facility, which will be located on a patch of donated
land on the outskirts of Andover, KS, will provide placement services to
children from Butler, Elk and Greenwood counties who have been temporarily removed
from their home due to abuse or neglect. To illustrate this need, consider that
last year alone approximately 180 children from Butler County were interviewed
at the CAC for abuse or neglect.
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| This is the Dream! |
The financial goal for this venture is $2.5 million, and it
comes with a wonderfully uplifting name: “A Child’s Secret”: A Capital Campaign
for the Construction of Sunshine Children’s Home. Having already secured $1.8
million in gifts, pledges and in-kind donations, along with an incredible
$406,000 challenge grant from the Mabee Foundation, this dream is becoming
evermore a reality.
Nothing has been taken for granted, though. The hard work
and long hours put in by SCARF staff and board members is incalculable. Mom is
a long way from sending us boys out with candy bars or working smoke-filled
bingo halls on Friday nights for soccer fundraisers. You can’t get what you
don’t ask for, and you may have to ask more than thrice, but this crew is
persistent. A major fundraising project like this is difficult enough in normal
times, nevertheless in a climate of tough economic and political circumstances.
Not to mention in the state of Kansas.
Mom has spent so much time outside of her comfort zone that this
gray space has been permanently and forever altered. For years all she asked
for was that her students respect each other, score well on standardized tests
and, like any working mother, to have a moment or two of peace and quiet during
the day. And of course, for her kids to not fight with each other. Now, she has
her hands out and is armed with a strategy, an excellent team, and a life-long
passion for child advocacy – all for a cause that’s far too important to be
forgotten or given lip service. Lives do depend on this.
There are many ways to help. If you’ve been so impassioned
by what you’ve read so far that your wallet has mysteriously jumped out of your
pocket or purse and is resting by your preferred electronic computing device,
DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER. Go to the link below to learn about the many ways in
which you can help the Sunshine Children’s Home thrive. Then, once you’ve done
so, you can continue reading this story. Or not - take yourself out to a movie or
buy a puppy as a reward for such a kind and generous act.
If you need more convincing, that’s fine too. I invite you to continue reading...
A major source of funding for the Children’s Home, as well
as other SCARF operations, is the Buckaroo Ball of Butler County. And it’s just
as awesome as it sounds.
I openly admit sounding like one-song iPod on shuffle by
stating that this massive undertaking is only possible through the enormous
help and talent of the SCARF board and staff, as well as other members of the
Buckaroo Ball Committee. They put in hours (upon hours, upon hours) to secure
auction items, food and drink donations, MC’s, guest speakers and the band. They
coordinate the facility - rustic Murfin Stables – and somehow plan a party, a
dinner, an auction and a speaker series all in one. This is all to have,
according to the event website, a “Boot Scootin’ Fun”. Leave your hanging “g’s”
and monetary filters at home.
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| The "A" Team |
Free drinks tend to help with that last point, and combined
with the adrenaline you feel by dressing up as a cowboy, it sets the stage for
a night of hooting, a bit of hollering, some loose wallets, and my personal favorite, double-denim
sightings.
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| City Slickers, we are not |
Soon-to-be-generous donors walked the wall, eyeing the
silent auction prizes while my brothers and I tried our best to mimic the smile,
gait and vocabulary of rich cowboys. For some reason, I imagined myself as the
“rich Texan” from The Simpsons. Wearing
western shirts, boots, oversized belt buckles and bolo ties made this easy, and
certainly entertaining. We were acting out the erroneous stereotype my mother
tried to shoehorn us into over two decades ago. And I don’t think we offended
anyone.
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| Sweet deals at the silent auction |
Almost all of the silent auction prizes went on to fetch
three figures, some of them significantly more. We did our best to drive up
prices as an excuse for conversation, with varied success. We learned quickly,
though, that the real money, the real charity, was seen in the live auction.
It’s easy to give up on an item when it requires you to walk, bend at the waist
and put pen to paper. It’s much more difficult when a fast-talking auctioneer
calls you out by name.
Because no one likes to spend thousands (yes, thousands) of dollars on an empty
stomach, we were provided amazing, oversized steaks that warmed the soul, and
dulled the senses. The sweets were incredible, and fortunately for me, they
were gone within a reasonable time frame, the dessert table scavenged like
something from a George Romero film. My oversized belt buckle was getting
resistance from my blue jeans, and another strawberry icing shot may have given
the denim side an unfair advantage.
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| Scootin' through the buffet line |
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| Warning: Overindulgence may lead to overbidding |
During dinner there was a steady flow of introductions, stories and events leading up to the live auction. We were introduced to the SCARF board, staff and Buckaroo Ball planning committee who had organized the event. Nichole Johnson, who participated on “The Voice”, a show I’m told Usher is now on, sang for us. I only remember bits of it because I was expending massive amounts of energy fighting off a serious steak & potatoes coma.
We were treated to a fascinating story from Sloane Lewis,
Miss Kansas. She detailed what it was like growing up bi-racially in a small
Kansas town, and how her perception of herself as a kid was derived entirely
from what others told her. How it was a struggle to figure out her own
identity, as opposed to simply believing what others told her. This simple yet
universal message could benefit millions of children, especially those who
suffer from neglect or abuse, as they mature and look to find meaning in a
world where it’s commonplace to judge someone based only on what the eye can
see. It was an emotional speech, and not a single other person was talking when
it ended; Miss Kansas left a crowd of knotty throats and glassy eyes.
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| Charity work for Miss Kansas, posing with the Brantner brothers |
The last act before the live auction rang powerful as
individuals affected by abuse, either personally or from within their family, walked
down a ramp at the back of the room holding signs with messages detailing the
particular atrocity suffered. It was a tactful display of hope, as these brave
individuals walked tall yet bared their deepest shame and humiliation for all
to see. That they could expose such a personal issue, yet do so confidently and
without fear, sent a message to the audience: Child abuse and neglect are
pervasive and can affect anyone in any society, and when it happens, the
affected child may be too scared to report it, fearing they’ll be the ones who
get in trouble. This is especially true in the high percentage of cases where
the child knows the abuser. Proof was staring down at us, compelling us to read
their story, as the once-jubilant group sat in silence, emotions a thick cloud
for all to see, unable, unwilling to look away.
Anyone that was on the verge tears after Miss Kansas gave in
at this point. Among the bidders in the audience, you could look around and,
statistically speaking, ask yourself how many of these people here tonight could
have been affected by something this sick. It’s scary as hell.
This is what set the stage for the live auction, the
Buckaroo Ball’s primary source of fundraising. Apparently drinks, sugar, red
meat and an emotional Chuck Norris to the gut are key to a successful auction,
as air began circulating throughout the barn due to the increasingly rapid ascension
of bid cards. Knowing my pockets weren’t deep enough for this part of the show,
I was able to watch with non-attached amazement as bid prices rose at an
astounding rate.
The highlight of the night, for our family at least, was
watching bidders go hog-wild over Jet BBQ’s donation of a whole pig and baked
beans, a catering for 50. Improbably, bidders went back and forth, lubricated
by the auctioneer’s smooth salesmanship. One thousand dollars…two thousand
dollars...three thousand dollars, then SOLD, for a sum of three thousand two
hundred dollars. Before we could even high-five Jet Man, he was flashing the
peace sign, offering up another catering. When that one topped three grand, he
did what any self-respecting entrepreneur would do…and tripled the order. His
three caterings alone brought in just shy of ten thousand dollars. Simply
amazing! And to those lucky winners, I can assure you that, after years of
midnight snacking on pork ribs, it was well worth it.
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| Jet BBQ: Good Q' Since 1982 |
This was just one example of the big-heartedness of the
crowd that night. Astonishingly, the 330 plus members that night raised over $140,000 for SCARF, the most successful Buckaroo Ball to date. Those who participated in the silent and live auctions know that their impact will be felt, know that their generosity went to a great cause. After
witnessing the event I now fully understand the excitement that swells around
mom as she describes the team’s efforts to secure funding for the children’s
home. And it makes me want to join in.
Knowing that she is a part of this effort makes me so proud
of who she has become in her post-education life. That she speaks on behalf of
those without a voice and works to provide hope to those who have lost their
innocence, she, along with her colleagues, are creating an environment where
those who have been abused can seek the help they so justly deserve, then move
forward. Where the stigma of victimization is replaced with outrage and
societal banishment for abusers and their silent, yet knowing accomplices. Their
message is getting out - look no further than the Penn State campus for
evidence of this.
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| SCARF's executive director, obviously recovering from a calf-roping injury |
What SCARF and its staff do for the under-represented is not
for the meek or for those who need constant congratulation. But they are making a difference. Society
will respond. I saw it first-hand at the Buckaroo Ball.
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