LEGOLAND

Not Just For The Kids! 

(Though Eric dominated the score column, Georgia won the intense-blackout-stare-down contest)

For the first time, maybe in my entire working career, I skipped work (legally, debiting 8 PTO hours, of course) in the month of March for something that wasn't related to college basketball: joining my nieces and brother at LEGOLAND. Not only was it thoroughly enjoyable, I was able to return to work the following day with neither horse voice, mood swings nor hangover. 

(So much energy, those girls)

Not living in the same city as the girls, this sort of arrangement just doesn't happen. When I do see them, it's usually around my loving yet uber-busy family, with events to attend, meals to cook, dolls to play with (why the hell do I know what Winx are?) and a constant rolodex of cheek-pinching fingers of all shapes and sizes pinching their four tiny, reddened, elastic cheeks. So it was nice to spend a day with them and Eric, just the four of us, without adult supervision. 

When Eric was planning his Kansas City Spring Break 2013 vacation, I told him I'd take one day off, so he gave me the choice of tagging along for LEGOLAND or the SEA LIFE Aquarium, two attractions that share a space together in Crown Center, and that also, emphatically, love all-caps. The choice was relatively easy for two reasons: 1) I'm a dude, and 2) I'm terrified of aquariums. OK, it's not exactly terror, but it unnerves me to witness fish, seals, cute penguins, dolphins, bears - especially the bears at the zoo, those cocky, free-swimming mitt-pawed bears - from below. It's not natural, and what if the glass breaks? Whoever invented the subterranean walkways with transparent aquarium walls is a jerk!

LEGOLAND it was. After coffee in the hotel room with Eric, watching the girls watch Pocahontas for only the third time in the previous twelve hours (great gift, aunt Jess, uncle David, cousin Reagan), we packed up and headed to Crown Center. We passed the time in line warming up under heat lamps, watching Georgia almost not to throw the freebee Legos that seemingly fell from the sky, and tried not to singe Sydney's hair on said heat lamp while sitting atop my giant brothers' shoulders. And we talked about how it could be interpreted for two dudes to take two girls to LEGOLAND. 

As if she read our thoughts, on cue, the lady guiding us from the outside line to the inside line greeted the girls with, "Are your daddies going to sing karaoke today? Maybe the new Justin Bieber song?" Well isn't that special? Luckily the girls didn't know what karaoke was, who Justin Bieber is or why it was hilarious that we'd been mistaken for a couple. We just nodded, laughed, fake-talked about manly stuff; then I went to wrangle the girls, who, oblivious to the humor around us, were fogging up a kid's-eye-view aquarium with their nostrils. 

To say that LEGOLAND exceeded expectations is putting it mildly - it definitely falls into the category of "fun for adults too". Maybe it's because I haven't been to a hundred different kids-themed attractions as an adult, or maybe, likely, it's because I miss playing with Legos; but I was intrigued from the moment we entered. I should also point out that the girls were captivated from the moment they entered, so no one leaves this post with the impression that it was all about me. 

(I witnessed Sydney and this Knight exchange email addresses)

We split kid-wrassling duties using the near/far method, as in, Sydney always went to the furthest reaches of the room and Georgia fled in the opposite direction, so we split up and met in the middle. Still a bit young to stand patiently and listen any Lego-logo'ed adult imparting wisdom on the group, the girls instead opted to create their own private tour, allowing Eric and I to make up a bunch of stuff about Legos, pretending as if we actually knew what we were talking about. 

(These are the faces you make after waiting in line for twenty minutes)

LEGOLAND is not short on attractions. After a brief non-listened-to tour telling us how Legos are created (spoiler alert: science), we mounted a shuttlecraft and were told to shoot spiders, witches and bad guys with lazer-tag ray guns, visible in the picture at the top. Direct hits resulted in points, however those were not made available to us. OK, Eric smoked us while simultaneously instructing Georgia and Sydney on where to point their guns. Early on, I realized the girls would have fun regardless of point score, so I engaged in a futile attempt to one-up my younger brother. Georgia was super-serious and Sydney would have out-scored us all if there were targets on the ceiling. Proving it was a successful ride, both girls ended the ride with chest-bumps and hi-fives. Just kidding, they asked if we could do it again. 

(Great Lego work, but they could have done without the shadow on his tights..)

Immediately after exiting the ride, I was passive-aggressively pressured into buying photos of our exploits (see above, again), and threw in a few keychains, because after all, that's what uncles do. Keeping up the theme of fun-in-motion, we went to a Merlin's Apprentice-themed merry-go-round that made me wish I had an anti-nausea potion. Those rides never sit right with me, and though I hadn't been on one in years, the uneasiness returned. The girls enjoyed it, even though I suspect they didn't realize that the machine worked regardless of how fast they were pedaling. In fact I know this, because when I stopped pedaling, opting instead to focus on everything but the blurry landscape, Georgia scalded me for, "not trying hard enough". I assured her that my heart was in the game, and that I wouldn't slip up again. She was gracious. 

(Eric and Sydney in their chariot. My phone camera is terrible)

Opting to enjoy the next phase sitting down, the four of us collected plastic glasses and were treated to our very first 4-D movie. A touching story about a charming blonde slacker engaging in an off-road car race against a team of angry, uniformed, presumably bad guys. As the cars cranked up the RPM's, massive fans blew wind in our direction, prompting the girls to laugh, ooh, and adorably, aah. They just loved it. And Eric and I loved not chasing them around. It was the calmest fifteen minutes of the day. 

(Patiently, quietly waiting in line)

We were let out into an area that had giant Lego creations, constructed as mini-monuments to favorite animals, cities and fantasy lands. Sydney was mesmerized by the gigantic (her perspective) Emerald City, and thrilled to have the power to spin Dorothy's house with the push of a button. Eric looked a giraffe directly in the eyes from a standing position, which, at six-foot-alot, is still quite impressive.  The Kansas City skyline was interesting to look at, though due to my inability to read maps, I cannot verify it's authenticity. 

(Looking for the man behind the curtain)

(Kansas City landmark)

(Eric trying not to let on to how awesome this moment is)

Needing to fuel up, Eric waited in line for no less than forty minutes to purchase one hot dog, two slices of pizza, nachos, a drink and two fruit cups. Apparently this is how people with kids eat - buy an assortment of random items, see what they'll throw down their gullets then pick at the rest. Eric had at minimum one bite of everything save the fruit cup, which Georgia declined, much to his delight. 

Before we ate, with Eric waiting in line - must have been an unpredictable day at LEGOLAND, with only one worker staffed during the lunch rush - the girls and I sidled up to one of the many Lego pits inviting customers to play. Georgia created a masterpiece all on her own. Sydney let me assist her with the foundation of the house, but shooed me away for the interior decorating phase. Tellingly, this provided the second chance of the day for the girls to focus on something other than running in opposite directions. I hope to one day apply the same focus and attention to any daily or work-related task as they did to building their Lego huts. Or to ever have as much fun. 

(Not satisfied with one house, Georgia created an empire)

After lunch came the only double-daddy fail of the day. Neither Eric nor I could figure out the Race-car section. In our defense...it was pretty damn difficult. Large containers of Legos, tiny axels and wheels of all sizes lay in front of us. Reaching over pre-teens having much more success than us, we fiddled and Mr. Potato-headed the various pieces into unrecognizable pieces of non-transporting junk. And understandably our poor effort wasn't good enough for the girls. Finally, Eric managed to connect two sets of two wheels (different sizes, naturally) using the absolute minimal amount of Legos and axels possible. The monstrosity made it approximately thirty-six inches down the ramp before splintering apart like the plane in Con Air destroying the Las Vegas strip. We debated asking other kids for help, but when our pride kicked in, we solved the problem like any good American would: we fled to the gift shop. 

(If you look real hard, you'll see the piece of junk Eric and I passed off as a car)

Out of the hundreds of different Lego sets in the massive gift shop, Georgia and Sydney would up choosing, you guessed it, the exact same car. They both seemed cool with it (I'm not sure of parental protocol for this since us Brantner boys were terrible sharers as kids) so we forged ahead. The kids were extremely appreciative of the gift, the day and the experience. Georgia punctuated this by passing out in the car with her arms bear-hugging her new toy. 

(I never understood why parents took this photo until I saw it happen first-hand: the sign of a job well done)

Back in the hotel room, before an exhausting swim session, we pieced together the girls' new Lego sets. I helped Syd with hers while Eric supervised Georgia on the other side of the room. I forgot just how easy - and fun! - Legos were. I put Sydney on collection duty, which was fine with her. Georgia, with surprising patience and dexterity, was able to complete her girl/dog/car combo almost all by herself. Randomly, before finishing, and without talking to anyone in particular, she exclaimed, "I'm having so much fun today!" I can't imagine how that must have felt as a parent, since it filled me with extreme gratification as an uncle. Funny how the little moments can have such an impact. 

It was truly a day I will cherish. It was so nice to be with the girls, the whole day to ourselves with no agenda other than to enjoy ourselves and goof off. Heck, they even ate real Kansas City barbecue for dinner. Hopefully this is the first of many such visits - I'll be saving up my PTO just in case.