Meeting The Mayor

"Never Limit Where Running Can Take You"
Bart Yasso

(Bart and I)

You know those times when you’re so frustrated with work or fed up with co-workers and clients that you want to violently hurl your laptop through the nearest office window? This story is absolutely not about that.

I am fortunate enough to experience a number of perks working at Garmin’s in-house ad agency, none of which have surpassed the events of this past weekend. In preparation for the Garmin Marathon (In The Land of Oz) – a small-ish race that starts and finishes at Garmin HQ in Olathe – our fitness PR guru, Justin, threw a Hail Mary. Miraculously, when the end-zone scrum had cleared, running legend Bart Yasso was left cradling the ball, good for an easy six points.

Next thing you know, I found myself sharing stories at a nice restaurant with a group of six co-workers and some guy who has run marathons on all seven continents. Bart agreed to help out with PR for the event, and even run the marathon. If you’re still not sure who he is and wanted to finish this post before googling his name, I’ll help you out. Actually, Bart will help you out. Here’s his welcome statement, directly pulled from his website:

Many runners tell me quite simply I have the greatest job in the world. I get to travel to races around the world and meet runners of all abilities. Let me reiterate I get to meet thousands of runners with some amazing stories. For me running has also been a vehicle of introduction to people, places, cultures, and animals. I have run on all seven continents, but it's not the details of the races I recall it's the people I meet.

And that’s it. The dude runs. Officially he works for the niche publication, Runner’s World. His job title is CRO – Chief Running Officer. No lie. He has no boss. He has no job description. Fans refer to him as “The Mayor of Running”. Every year, marathon newbie’s curse his name as they pump out half-mile reps completing his infamous marathon training program, the "Yasso 800's". He doesn’t need business cards – you either know who he is, or you don’t get it.

Since he’s been at Runner’s World, they’ve been quite literally sending him all over the world to participate in running events; some challenging, some quirky and some downright insane. He arrives. He meets and greets. He runs. He reports back. He flies to the next destination. To say he’s nomadic is an understatement. As you can tell by his intro, he views running as the medium through which he can experience different cultures, visit amazing and remote destinations, and learn and be inspired by the many individuals who lace up next to him. He personifies the beauty of a sport where amateurs and professionals participate side-by-side - opportunities that simply don't exist in other athletic realms. 

The man is full of some amazing stories, and eager to share them. At dinner, upon meeting him for the first time, he had the table hanging on his every word. Same went for his speech the next day in Garmin’s auditorium, where he presented slide after slide of footage from the far reaches of the globe, each image with an equally compelling story accompanying it. Look no further than Bart for proof that running does not have to be boring. Some of the highlights and hilarious anecdotes:

He began by speaking about who motivates him – a female Ironman (Ironwoman?) triathlete with a prosthetic leg who competes and travels the world giving motivational speeches; and a young man who runs marathons now, but was years earlier pronounced dead multiple times when in a coma induced by a traumatic heart injury. He sees them regularly, goes out of his way to gush about how they inspire him, yet they still find it incredible that the Mayor of Running looks up to them.

Penguin crap is the foulest smelling scent on Earth, and impossible to get out of clothes. But you should definitely waddle close-up to the beautiful animals if you can - the pictures you capture make it worth the experience.

Antarctica is the toughest continent on which to run a marathon. You have to take a Soviet-era tanker just to get to the starting line. And oh yeah, it's freezing out there. 

If you run a marathon in the Himalayas, there’s no good parking near the starting line. That's because it takes twelve (yes, 12) freaking days to arrive there. On foot. And yes…the walk is up-hill in the snow. It is Everest, after all.

(Taking it in, at Everest basecamp)

The editors at Runner’s World sent him to the Bare Buns Fun Run in Spokane where, naturally, everyone runs in the buff. That wasn’t the oddest part though; the oddest part came when he was asked to speak at the pre-race pasta dinner, and arrived to a full house of runners carbo-loading at banquet tables…naked. So he addressed the crowd…naked. He assumed there’d be a podium behind which he could hide his behind, but there was not. Luckily he did not come home with the medal for – in his words – “smallest in my age group”.

He was one of six individuals to inaugurate the Badwater Ultra 146, a grueling ultra race in Death Valley that began at 282 feet below sea level and ended at 14,496 feet atop Mount Whitney, with the thermometer topping out at 120 degrees. What???

In Africa, a friend invited him on a “scouting run” for a course he wanted to turn into an official race. Skeptical, due in large part to the close proximity of lions, tigers, rhino’s and other wild African mammalia, he agreed to accompany his long-time pal. A few miles in they reached an opening in the trail and found themselves face-to-face with a smirking rhino. The photographer tailing them took two photos: One of Bart and his friend on the receiving end of a vicious rhino stare, nostrils flaring, and another, similar photo, minus Bart, who had hauled ass out of there. Didn’t even look back to see if his buddy was safe.  

Touring in Iraq where hundreds of soldiers, hungry for distraction, participated in a marathon with him while still in full military training gear (boots and all), just to say they ran with a legend. They had to report to duty immediately after the race, but still chose to run, just to have a small slice of Americana. He also went up in Chinook helicopters and those large military planes, strapped in next to soldiers with large automatic weapons, looking for bad guys. (Bart gets special props for referencing the movie Con Air when describing how the planes flew long distances with the large cargo doors open).

In India, if you’re asked to participate in the opening ceremony of a cricket match, it’s nothing at all like throwing the first pitch of a baseball game. Not considering you have to put on pads and stand with a trembling cricket bat on the receiving end of a seven foot behemoth Indian pitcher, who is whipping a tiny unforgiving ball directly at you (so you have a better chance of making contact). All made scarier when it’s a grudge match between India and Pakistan, with over 110,000 fans trying to figure out what exactly this guy is the mayor of.  

Another crazy assignment - he once ran a 10k with a burro named Taco Bell. It pulled him to four and a half mile splits for the first half of the race, then stopped suddenly, forcing him to haul Taco Bell fighting tooth and nail the rest of the way. For added authenticity, the starter’s pistol was some dude who rode up on a horse and fired a shotgun in the air.

Favorite country to visit and run in is South Africa. He stayed away during Apartheid, but has visited multiple times since. He considers the 55 mile Comrades run his last great race, one he completed in 2010, at 54 years and battling chronic Lyme disease. Those who miss the cut are literally shut out of the stadium in which the race finishes – the gates are closed and locked. Nelson Mandela will go out to console the first few runners who are left outside. It's significance to the culture and heritage of South Africa means more to the country than the Boston Marathon means to the US. Bart completed the race in time, and so did his wife…but she beat him by over an hour.

(At the Comrades run in South Africa)

Not a one-trick pony, he’s completed five Ironman competitions (swim 2.4 miles/bike 112 miles/run26.2 miles, try not to die) and cycled across the US unsupported and by himself. Twice.

Listening to Bart talk is like watching VH1 Storytellers, but instead of drugs, depression and humor, there’s running, inspiration and humor.  Our three mile pre-race shake-out jog was pure joy; never have a larger group of runners gone so slow, yet completed the activity so fulfilled by the experience. He holds court wherever he goes: at dinner, speaking in front of large groups, jogging in groups. He was born for this.

Follow our Jog

The man was a rock star at the marathon, completely in his element. He finished in just over four hours with no one around him, yet the moment he crossed the finish line, he was the center of attention. He was approached no less than three times before he could exit the finisher’s tape and chug some water. He reserved the same grin/smile for everyone, proudly displaying his Garmin Marathon scarecrow medal and “Had a Wicked Good Time” finisher’s shirt for all to see.

(Jake, Justin and Bart, post-race)

He ate chicken sandwiches and drank beers like the rest of us, sitting shoeless in the open area well after his race ended. When finishers crossed the line six hours after the marathon began, Bart was there to clap for them. The man was living it up, genuinely enjoying himself, the unofficial master of ceremonies. Which is precisely why I imagine there’s no one at Runner’s World angling for his job. He’s the guy in your office that says he has “a dream job”, except for the fact that Bart actually has his dream job. That guy doesn't.

If I learned one thing from The Mayor of Running during his visit to Garmin, it’s that I have a total man-crush on him. It’s hard not to. His presence, confidence, the stories he tells, the places he’s visited, the bizarre and extreme races he’s conquered, the people he’s met…the fact that he spends his life flying all over the world, doing what he loves, advocating for his cause. The man’s an inspiration. You can’t meet the guy and not want to do something better and more fulfilling with your life. I’m sure he’s left thousands of people, if not more, feeling this same way. And that’s why he’s so good at what he does.

True to form, he was one of the very last people to leave the marathon, well after the final four finishers walked across the finish line, having completed their first ever 26.2. As Justin drove away with him in the passenger seat, he rolled down the window, summoned the race director and left us with these final words of wisdom:

“I have to apologize to you. I was busted peeing on a side-trail of the course. Somebody tweeted about it”.

True story...

(Bart's book and mantra) 

To read more of Bart Yasso’s great stories, by someone who writes way better than I do, here’s a link to his website and book: http://www.bartyasso.com/ 

For more on Bart’s appearance at the Garmin Marathon: Wicked Good Time

KC Cache Dash

Geocaching in Land Rovers, Talking with Engineers and a Giant GPS device...

It’s impossible to succinctly explain the KC Cache Dash to a non-geocacher/Garmin employee – I know, I’ve tried, and unless eyes glazing over has changed from the universal sign of bewilderment to a generally accepted sign of understanding, they have no clue what I’m describing, and sometimes nod politely.

I’ll include links at the end of this so others can do this work for me – I’ve been told that while friends and family appreciate my writing, they sometimes skim the long ones, which is crazy, because as I’ve been known to tell others, every single word I write is important. Even this one…

For Cliff’s Notes, there were three parts to the event:

1) Geocaching Expo at Garmin HQ – Product Support and Rec/Outdoor Engineers to work tents. Event open to the public and all Garmin employees. Geocaches were placed around the campus for families, kids and scouts to find. Refreshments were served and if need be, there was a portable toilet.

2) “Dash” around KC – Four teams – each one comprised of a hardcore geocacher (are there any other kind?), a social media advocate for a chosen charity, and a social media “influencer” – drive around the city in Land Rovers with multiple GPS devices, searching for geocaches, while of course obeying all traffic laws. Each cache had a certain point value, and at the end of the day whichever team had the most points wins the event.

3) Award Ceremony at Aristocrat Motors – Everyone meets up at Aristocrat Motors to see who has the most points and how much money each charity won. Sadly, no oversized Happy Gilmore checks.

(Land Rover with Charities' logo's)

I was brought into the KC Cache Dash fold at Jerry’s Bait Shop, wooed by cheap beers, attempting to pay attention to the conversation at hand and not the waitress with half her head shaved to a three. It was an idea borne out of social media: Jake (from Garmin) and Kris (from Aristocrat Motors) thought it’d be cool to combine the core competencies of our two companies and turn into a day-long adventure. And then get folks to tweet about it. 

Many ideas were thrown out, some good, a lot terrible; the size and scope of the event fluctuated more than former Brazilian soccer great Ronaldo’s weight. Since none of us had a complete vision for this event and no one to shoot down ideas (yet), we could be as ridiculous as we wanted to be.

Finally, when the plan had moved from bar napkins to a dry eraser board (courtesy of a four hour Mad Men-style lock-in), we made our pitch to the leaders of the rec/outdoor team. We didn’t necessarily need their buy-in, however with it, we’d be able to work a bit more freely. Their response was great. Not only were they “on board” with our plan, they were offering to help. They wanted this to be an event that connected Garmin – the rec/outdoor team, specifically – to the community. Our idea, without us knowing it, fit perfectly into the larger group’s annual goals and objectives, and we’d benefit greatly from it. Garmin’s president even sent an email to the company notifying them of the event, encouraging support and participation from employees.  

So to my part…

Jake and Kris would handle the “Dash” side of things, while I’d focus on the expo at HQ, and all that it entailed. They were busy coordinating with geocachers, charities, social media types and planning routes across and around the city. My days were spent differently.

With help from some geocaching enthusiasts from the web team, we began work on a variety of jobs. First off was for them to come up with logos for the event and begin work on the website: http://sites.garmin.com/cache-dash/ . They made signs, electronic invitations, a giant poster and a cool new sticker book. Kids shirts were also created, and they turned out great, as did the KC Cache Dash trackable pathtag.

(Collectible Pathtag - common geocaching swag)

I began wrangling the volunteers and expo items once the creative materials were under way. One benefit of having come from Product Support is that I worked with a bunch of folks who I knew would appreciate the chance to volunteer at an event like this. I emailed my former team, and a healthy number agreed to participate.

Next up was Engineering; they were also excited to lend a hand. In all, there were over 50 volunteers. To ensure the public would know who to look to for help, I ordered OpenCaching Ambassador shirts (OpenCaching.com is Garmin’s free geocaching platform) for everyone, turning the 50 plus volunteers into an orange amalgam of intensely-bright GPS knowledge. I think ours is the only geocaching event was seen from the moon.

So what would volunteers do there? What should we offer the public? I had the dubious task of turning bar-napkin ideas into reality. Some beer-goggled ideas are fun to talk about, but often-times lead to nothing. I had no such luxury with this event.

With 50+ GPS experts there, it made sense to play that up. We’d have a science fair. Cooler, we’d have a geocaching science fair! OK, let’s go back to a science fair. I sent around a slew of emails before I found a nice guy in the warehouse that would allow me to check out 45 of our newest handheld GPS devices, the eTrex series. I even had the privilege of going down to the warehouse and personally picking them up. It’s a small thing, but it’s still neat to walk the hallowed grounds of the place where we ship out so many devices. Have the creative team make a “Learn to Geocache” sign, stick it on a tent and BOOM! We have our first station.

But wait…we don’t have any tents. Of course not…why would we? That took some more searching and friend-making before I tracked down two pop-up tents, and used one of my own.

Eye candy…we needed eye candy. Typically eye candy and geocaching aren't mentioned in the same sentence - I'd like to change that. Talking with a guy in our ID (Industrial Design) department, he volunteered to create a few nice stands to display our newest devices on. They came out looking like silver polished surfboards…stunning. I sent another round of emails to acquire the necessary devices, dropped them off in ID and returned a few days later with the final product.

There was also another table for a different ID volunteer, who really went all out. ID is where our devices begin. They start by talking about what’s required in a device (size constraints, capabilities, style, etc), then produce a series of sketches, later move them to fancy computer programs, where they’re discussed and final form factor is honed in on. On to rough 3D models, then painted models, plastic models, etc, until they get closer and closer to the real thing, electronic guts included. Or at least that’s my understanding of it. For me, and I imagine any child or scout, it’s a pretty cool process.

Our ID volunteer brought to the event a giant wall-board with initial sketches of a device, as well as a computer monitor that displayed multi-dimensional views. Kids could approach and look at those or the portable sandbox full of the various early phases of a device mentioned above. We created a fitting “Meet the Experts” sign for him and the rest of the engineering ilk, only partly playing up to their ego's. 

How to make the event more interactive? They’d be looking at new devices, learning about their history and walking around searching for geocaches, but what else? What could we give them to take home as a memory of the event? If the idea was to generate interest in geocaching as a fun recreational outdoor activity that families can do together, we should provide them with the means to do so. We put in an order for 250 geocaching kits, which would allow participants to take home literature (also ordered for the event) and a geocaching kit, along with some swag (common ‘caching term, referring to all the free stuff you get at the events) that Jake and I bought. “Build-a-Cache” was the title, similar to the famous way to create custom teddy bears.

With volunteers accounted for and presumably able to keep busy during the event, I still had a few items to check off of the list:

I emailed no less than 7 people before figuring out how to rent a portable toilet. I’d be curious to see how much you think it is to rent one of those overnight…

I wanted music and photography for the event, so I spoke with some friends and co-workers to help out. I hired a DJ, or rather a ZJ, as my buddy Zach agreed to emcee the event. Negotiations were brutal.

I bought plastic Easter eggs to fill with the pathtags, so kids would have another sort-of ‘cache to look for while at the event.

IT helped me secure laptops for the ‘cachers, and air cards for Internet. Also batteries for the 45 devices.

I worked with Facilities to secure tables and power; we did a walk-through to determine where we’d rope off the event, flow parking to, setup the tables, music, banners, booths and beverages.

Did you know that you need a city permit to place a giant banner on Garmin grounds? I didn’t. Then I did. The more I know…

I deftly negotiated with our food services company to have them provide coffee, water bottles and juice boxes for participants.

A stroke of genius hit us (Jake and I), and we found the right people to provide us access to the two-story tall inflatable eTrex, Garmin’s original GPS device. (Funny story on this one…Jake and I naturally struggled to inflate it, and left it in the hands of the engineers. When the number of volunteers working on it surpassed six, I sullied up and made a lame “How many engineers” joke. I’m sure some found it funny, though no one would admit in company of the group.)

I worked with a colleague to create and place the on-site caches. We utilized the walking track and workout stations around it, three giant treasure chests (to play up the whole “pirate searching for treasure” thing…for the kids), a bird house, a cardboard cutout of Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, bags of candy, more stickers and a lamp post that had to be physically moved to find a cache. The course was a bit over a mile long, and it was gratifying to see the product support agents and engineers escorting families and scouts around the premises with GPS devices in hand, searching for their first caches.

(Kid's Stickers created for the event)

I’m sure there was more, you’ve probably stopped reading by now, so I’ll stop. Yeah…I too thought I was going to be brief.

Quick summary of the event

The weather was gorgeous – the first non-rainy day in a week. Volunteers were on-time, orange and ready to work. The four charities involved had fun, and their workers all hunted for ‘caches. The Boy Scouts had an okay presence, and we’re already talking about how they can be more involved next year. Same for the Girl Scouts, who actually had an adjacent geocaching event that same day - go figure. There could have been more people in attendance, but those who showed up had a good time. Kids were smiling as they walked the premises searching for their treasure. We over-rewarded all who came with swag. We even had a guy from South Dakota come just for the event, proving how dedicated a geocacher he is.

Jake and I had fun, and it was a huge stress relief that the event went off as we had planned, and without an international incident. We celebrated with pizza and beers at…you guessed it…Jerry’s. Great bookend to a fun event. One that next year – and we’ve been told by the Rec/Outdoor brass that there will be a next year – will be even bigger. Maybe even bigger than a two story tall GPS device. But I doubt it. 

To learn more:

Garmin Blog: Awesome 'Caching Fun

Wanna Learn to Cache? Take a look at these two videos. You may recognize the talent:

KC Comic Con

Superhero's and Villians and Adults Living in their Parent's Basement, oh my...

(Who you gonna call? Better not be my girlfriend)

My affinity for science fiction is not what I would classify as secret, nor a fad I picked up as an adult as a ploy to get girls. Like a recurring thumb injury caused by excessive and intense gaming, it unexpectedly flares up for a period of time, at which point I aggressively fill my brain with a Thanksgiving-sized portion of intergalactic/robotic/zombie/vampire/dinosaur media. When my cup full of these beautiful and totally not uncool creatures and droids runneth over, I pump the brakes and move on to other, normal activities such as exercise, talking to humans and, you know, my job. 

This can't really be my fault - it's in my (dino) DNA. It began in my youth, watching episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Sea Quest and The X-Files with my dad, gobbling up Michael Crichton novels when forced to read over summers (later, I continued this habit, without stipulation from my parents) and watching many movies that I didn't necessarily understand, but contained outer-space explosions, the constant "shiny thing" that kept me interested. 

Sci-Fi flared up my senior year in college, when Spike TV ran a STNG marathon and my three roommates and I realized we all watched the show as children, with our dad's. For almost a month straight, the only non-STNG program we watched were KU basketball games. We debated The Prime Directive and slung insults at each other in Klingon. OK, we just yelled KAPLAA!!! at each other - a lot. We were awesome. 

And so it came to be that when a neighbor asked me if I liked sci-fi, I replied, "Go Onnnnnnn". The good news was that there was a KC Comic Con this weekend. The bad news was that we found out about it on Saturday night, and it was half over. As such, we arrived Sunday morning with no idea what to expect at all. I was wearing the "I'm Number One" Riker shirt that Eric bought for me. I had two others options, both gifts, I feel inclined to clarify. My Geordi LaForge Night Vision artistic shirt was amazingly in the wash, having been on my shoulders for a birthday the previous week (why not?). The "Estar Guars"  Star Wars rip-off is hilarious, yet subtly racist, so I decided not to wear it to the convention. Nobody wants to be the nerd who gets beat up at Comic Con.

The show was...how to put this...awesome. Being the sci-fi geek in my group of friends in no way prepared me for what I saw. I felt like George Clooney as I entered the building. Luckily for me, the second geekiest member of my group of friends is Melody, who apart from owning more Harry Potter merchandise than Daniel Radcliffe himself, wanting to dress up as Data from STNG for Halloween, and forcing me to read one of her double-digit fantasy novels, is my girlfriend. You know how when you start dating someone and there are certain parts of your personality that are slower to come to the forefront? You won't hide it, but you also won't advertise it. Well, ours is the same...we enable each other's nerdiness. 

Weaving our way through the minivans of parents dropping off their adult children in costume, we were too overwhelmed to comment. This would be a perfect situation for mind reading, as my brain's task of processing what my eyes were seeing, then relaying filtered thoughts through my mouth proved challenging. There was too much going on, but I will attempt to summarize.  

Darth Maul from the Star Wars movies was outside the front door, smoking a cigarette. I don't remember that part of the movie. A pretty good Luke Skywalker look-alike snuck past us in the fast line to buy tickets. He purchased just one, even though there was a Yoda stuffed animal hanging on his back, similar to the movie. They both had light sabers. There was a bald Storm Trooper. How did I know that? See below...

(Either Darth Vader ripped this Trooper's helmet off. Or he needed some ventilation.)

I tried to get Melody to take a picture with a swaying and (probably not faking it) drunk Captain Jack Sparrow, but she refused, citing "I don't want to tough that guy...he's gross". Though I tried to press the point, I absolutely agreed with her. 

We saw six characters from the Street Fighter video game. Wolverine was there, or maybe it was just a guy with a stinky denim jacket and mutton chops - hard to tell. There were two atypical Supermen: One was a seven foot plus African American who didn't need fake muscles, and the other was a guy dressed as Clark Kent - glasses, suit, fedora, etc. - with the Superman costume underneath his normal clothes. Soak that up...he came to a comic convention and wore a costume under a business suit. Talk about commitment. 

Some pictoral highlights...

This happened...

So did this...

And this too...

This almost happened, if "this" is Melody buying a Big Bang Theory shirt. Sadly, there no women's versions of the design she liked. Go figure : (

We may also have seen the tallest man in the world. His sandals were a size yacht:

And this too, but it's not for kids...

But here's the kicker...

Billy Dee Williams himself was charging, and this is not a typo, $40 for an autograph. Mr. Dee Williams also reserves the right to personalize the autographs, presumably to prevent the perpetuation of the highly profitable black market memorabilia scandal, the focal point at which Mr. Dee Williams obviously is. So of course I forked over the forty dollars my camera to Mr. Dee Williams Melody and had him sign my lucky Colt 45 poster her take a surreptitious picture of me looking not at all interested in meeting him. I think it turned out well.

Had this been Geordi LaForge signing autographs, I would have shown him the respect he deserves and at least turned to face him while sneaking a picture. Oh who am I kidding, I would have totally paid to meet him. And herein lies the one disappointment in the convention. The main focus was not on STNG or the Star Trek series overall (though there were selling some killer Star Trek Uniform Robes), or other well-known Sci-Fi movies and shows. There were far more pale costumed characters that we didn't recognize than ones we did. Plenty of warlocks, witches, samurai's, hero's and villians, all jumping to real life from comic books as opposed from the big and little screen. Artists were there signing prints and drawing as we walked by, poorly hiding our wide-eyed stares. The work looked great, but that's a bit out of our stratosphere. We'll take a hand phaser or a transporter over a mint edition of Spidey Meets the President any day of the week (yes, this exists).  

So if we receive a post-event survey - and we should because we gave out our non-fake email addresses - we'll both recommend more STNG, Jurassic Park, Harry Potter...the Sci-Fi we both love. Until next year though, we have plenty of Fringe, Walking Dead and oh what the heck, STNG to catch up on. 

To see the rest of the pictures: SpaceRobotDinosaurDracula Pictures

Five Years

Five years at Garmin...

Who would have thought? I didn't even get hired the first time I applied at Garmin; I interview for a trade-show assistant position and was interviewed, ironically, by a guy I work with quite a bit now. In five years at Garmin, I've had six different titles, five bosses, worked at Headquarters, the Olathe Call Center and back at HQ again. I've worked with Rec/Outdoor (hiking, hunting, geocaching) and Fitness (running, cycling) products for almost the entire time, with just a brief one month flirtation with the marine team getting in the way. 

Current role is marketing specialist, working exclusively with the Outdoor team as a go-between who funnels direction and feedback from the engineers and salesmen who create and sell the products, to the art directors and copywriters who create advertisements, TV spots, brochures and other marketing materials. As you can imagine, every day brings something interesting. Every single day is interesting. Hopefully it will still be like that five years from now. 

In honor of this anniversary, the best thing I can do is not summarize my work accomplishments, as I've sort of done above. No, the best way to commemorate 5 years at Garmin is to have the customer tell you how much they appreciate me. The customer who I pride myself in understanding, assisting, advocating for...the customer who is in the back of my mind every time I make a decision. Because in the end...we're here for you. The customer.

(Disclaimer: Below are actual emails I received during my time in product support. No names are used. I have not edited the emails for punctuation or grammar. You will see them exactly as I saw them. This actually happened!)

1) The customer who made sure I knew what my job was:

Should I tell you that you work for Garmin as a Product Support Specialist?

I know, it says so in your .sig, but apparently you don't spend much time readg your email. I thought I'd remind you what your JOB actually is or perhaps "was" would be the right word?

Yes, I am having problems. That is why I sent the email in the first place. I am having problems with my oregon 300 and now am also having problems with the apparently blind, lazy, and/or idiotic support personnel!

2) He probably knows what an account is off his computer though: 

My appologies for me being stupid, but I do not know what an account is, on my computer.

3) At least the unit appear to run: 

Dog chewed, however needs new wristband and the top will not stay on. The unit appear to run. 

4) Our product is what? 

How do I set Triathlon transition time and change excercises during the event 2) Why I can´t go further than 64 kms when I program bike in manual excercise? That´s insane Hawaii are 180 kms !!! can´t stop at 64 !! 3) Can I press the Lap button underwater? I need to use it to count swimming laps....YOUR PRODUCT IS F..**.. 

5) Wait...they have REI's in Hungary? 

This is my third and final email pertaining to the problem I have been experiencing with my Forerunner 405 CX. As I wrote to you a week ago, the product worked beautifully for a couple weeks but for some reason the ANT stick has ceased to receive data transfers from the watch. It will attempt every few minutes, only to show a message saying the transfer had inexplicably failed. Now, when I pull the stick out of my USB port, it crashes my entire operating system and I have to re-start my computer. My previous two requests for assistance with this problem were ignored. I never received a response or even a confirmation that my email had been received. Tonight I tried to call your help desk several times and was told by the recording that I would have to wait 35 minutes to speak to someone. Not worth it since I live in Hungary and don't feel like throwing good money after the bad money I already spent on this piece of crap. Tomorrow, I will be sending it back to REI, to which I am forever loyal for their generous return policy. I will never again purchase a Garmin product and I will be sure and provide an honest assessment of your malfunctioning product and non-existent customer service in as many online fora as I can find. Thank you for nothing.

6) I will take my assistance: 

You people are completely incompetent.  I'm tossing the piece of crap I got from you in the trash and getting a new unit from a reputable merchant.  I will never use one of your products again, nor will I be recommending you to anyone.  You can take your worthless assistance and stick it up your ass. 

7) This was the most polite threat I've ever been offered. I did not reach back out to him. Or her:

I appreciate your time.  You were polite and courteous and an able defender of a company that used to have a sterling reputation but has driven off the road lately.  I say Garmin is in the 3^rd act [of a three act play]. The only thing remaining in this slow motion act is for the car to hit the tree ahead, head on, causing major injuries to all involved unless someone can grab the wheel of this wildly careening vehicle and steer is safely back to the road.

If you have any comments you know how to reach me.  I will be forwarding this to the highest levels of management I can reach if for no other reason than that the issue has wasted a lot of my time and I would like to see those responsible for this mess removed. 

8) Wish I would have saved my response to him. Or her:

This is not an acceptable response, at all levels. Think carefully before you answer. Over several years I have been responsible for the development and installation of several navigation systems into Ford vehicles. I am also a quality manager.

9) In all fairness, I think I now work with this person:  

Why do I continue to have problems after garmin upgrades software? All changes should be tested prior to release of new software. Who is making the decision not to test prior to release? Find this person and give him another job which can not impact your customers.

10) This emailer is deceptively angry:  

Good job, Garmin. You people are a bunch of freaking nimrods…

11) Less deceptive. But still somewhat deceptive. I should clarify - this is from the same guy as above:  

I'm going to eBay this piece of trash. God I hate Garmin. Good job, morons!...

12) Still the same dude. Apparently this was a close one: 

I called Garmin to ask them for clarification. I was like...'you have to be kidding me. You're not that stupid, are you?'…

I tried this, and it was working about halfway right, so I did a system restore to Monday morning, before I tried the first install, then I re-installed using the “Alternate Install” method, and it worked…

So, I probably won't eBay this miserable thing just yet. That was a close one, Garmin. Reallll close.

13) Still searching youtube for this video?  

Actually, the only idiot involved in this story is Jeffry. I imagine he has had kneejerk reactions and goes off half-cocked all his miserable life. It must be a struggle when the whole world is stupid except for you and your self-centered ignoramous ass.

14) Who is Jeffry? 

I don't have my receipt any longer. This is the 3rd major malfunction

with this unit.

I paid over $400 for a product that ahs demonstrated repeated unrelated

problems. According to your marketing literature, the Edge 305 is

specifically designed to take the abuse that comes from being mounted

atop a mountain bike.

I have never crashed my bike with this unit in place, and it does not

have a scratch on it. I have pampered this one due to my experience with

the first two.

I was hoping you could ship me a re-furb/new one, and I could send mine

back to you as Garmin has performed on the previous two mishaps.

If you are unable to accommodate me without additional charges, I will

likely smash my Edge 305 to bits with a hammer on youtube and link the

video to a consumer report which I will post to CNET, MTBR.com,

Craigslist, Performance Bike, Bike Magazine, Bicycling Magazine, Dirt

Rag, Cambria Bikes, my facebook page, twitter all the local Bike Shops

in my area, IMBA, and a long of list of other associations/organizations

I belong to, in addition to the hundreds of serious competitors and

recreational riders I spend time with.

My intention is not bully you, no more than your intention was to bilk

me out of my hard earned $400+ tax for a product that doesn't seem to

work for more than a few months without incident.

Please just build a product that works.

Will you help me without additional charge since I seem to be one of

your many product test monkeys?

15) Time for some solvation  

     Hello:     This is follow up on my garmin rino 110 walkie-takie radio. It never has worked from day one of purchase. I called for tech-support and they could do nothing to help me to get my radio running or working.  What is wrong with the tech-support team?

            Now you see I have got my radio working without tech-support or garmin company. If I were in charge of Garmin company, I would be asking why this happened to a customer!!!! 

            Further more If I were boss or in charge, this customer would receive a new unit with no charge. For he got the radio working without any help from Garmin-company.

I have to wait till there is solvation for this problem, or can the file be repaired??

16) I don't want to assume this guy's a lawyer. But he's totally a lawyer:  

At this point, I want a direct dial number to an experienced, Tier 3 Technical Expert on this subject matter.

If your department won't get me that number, then get me the name and contact information for your Vice President of Quality.  This is a problem that Garmin should be addressing not, ignoring.  Your department should be thanking me for bringing this to your attention and for being persistent enough to drive it to closure and your department should be working with me to resolve the issue.  Instead, your department is telling me I have to use brand new batteries in some other device for a while until the voltage comes down.  That is neither a workable nor a reasonable solution.

What if I got lost and the batteries in my 60Cx went dead and only spare batteries I had were new and my device didn't work and I died?  With this, "smoking gun" letter available to my wife's attorney as evidence for the discovery process, she would end up owning your company.

Your company hereby stands on notice and is hereby informed of a potentially life threatening problem and thus your company now has Knowledge.  Your company has been ignoring the problem as evidenced by this extended e-mail train.  Having knowledge and failing to act has been considered by every Court in the Land to be Negligence. Historically, a jury of my peers have not found in favor of the Defendant in negligence cases.

The name and direct dial contact information for an experienced, Tier 3 technical person and your VP of Quality, please. 

17) This guy is also a lawyer. An amazing wordsmith of a lawyer who used the word "weasel" thrice in one sentence. Basically, he's my hero:  

Thank you for the courtesy of a response.  I so hope you have sufficient legal background to know that the situation I proposed was hypothetical.  

The weasel words you so glibly quoted are primarily written by weasels and intended for weasels.  The heartbreak of reality is, in general, the people who win lawsuits do not do so because they are right or just or deserving.  They win because they can buy more time from attorneys who are better at dragging the case out longer and digging deeper to highlight more contradictions and technicalities than the other guy.  Hopefully, on that point, we can agree. 

None of this banter gets my 60Cx voltage regulator(s) adjusted by Garmin so I can use the currently available, commercial off the shelf (COTS), Duracell and Energizer batteries that have been recommended by Garmin Tech Support for use in my device.  And, I remind Garmin one more time, that I am willing to pay a reasonable fee for this service.

Please advise a due date for resolution on that matter. 

PS: This Unit I bought from you is pissing me off.

18) LOUD NOISES:  

ISSUES WITH TIME AND DATE RONG AND WILL NOT CHANGE A AND MY PRELOADED MAPS DISIAPPEARED 

19) He's right...this is sooo lame:  

your instructions tell us how to install the free maps to the computer, but do not tell us how to install them to the gps unit.... this is sooo lame. 

20) No comment:  

True, I have exactly the same stupid resluts here. Very frustrating. 

21) Totally doubt he actually knows Marco Polo:  

I obtained its email through my friend of race Marco Polo. I possess a watch Garmin Forerunner 305 and the same simply it stopped to function. This fact it occurred after one day that I ran underneath of much rain. It only binds when this connected to the energy USB cable, but as soon as I detach it I disconnect. As in Brazil we do not have assistance technique Garmin  would like to know as I must proceed in this case!

Since already been thankful.

22) Yes...they want to monitor their horse's heart rate:  

Where to attach horse heart rate monitor while riding. Heart rate reading while riding is completely too high. tried conductive gel, monitor around horses belly so that it sits on heart, also tried on neck.

23) Good reason to not hang out with this guy:  

It stops at 48% and freezes. Frustratiing. I'm goint to thow it at somebody if you don't fix this idiotic software problem.

24) See # 20:  

My protective rubber came off while in the heat and rain of central america.

24) Aaaand my favorite...  

well went to go turkey hunting and your product did not work so i went online to down load topical maps and after just paying right at 200 hundred bucks it wont even work in my own state and then you have the gall to ask for two hundred more bucks to get maps I EITHER WANT A FULL REFUND RIGHT AWAY OR I AM GOING TO START A PROCESS AGAINST YOUR CO. LIKE YOU NEVER HEARD OF STARTING WITH THE ATORNEY GENRAL AND SO ON AND IF THAT DOES NOT WORK I WILL STAND OUTSIDE EVERY STORE THAT SELLS YOUR STUFF AND TELL EVERYONE  ON AND OF LINE HOW YOU RIPPED ME OFF  A  VET ON S.S. HOPE YUR REAL PROUD GETTING OVER ON PEOPLE ON A VERY FIXED INCOME  I EXSPECT TO HEAR FROM YOU ASAP  NO ONE SAID THAT YOU BUY THIS HIGH DOLLAR SHIT AND THEN HAVE TO PAY FOR THE MAP S THATS RETARDED AND YOU KNOW IT MY TOM TOM WORKS RIGHT OUT OF THE BOX WITHOUT PAYING EXTRA FOR THE MAPS    SIGN VERY PISSED OFF PAW   IF I DO NOT HEAR BACK WITHIN TWO DAYS I AM CONTACTI NG B.B. AND THE ATORNEY GENRAL PROSECUTEING ATORNEY AND GONNA STAND IN FRONT OF EVERY WALLMART THERE IS OH BY THE WAY WHEN I WENT TO RETURN IT THEY TRIED SAYING THEY DIDNT CARRY THAT MODEL THAT IT WAS OLD I BOUGHT IT ABOUT A MONTH AGO                                                                                    VERY VERY PISSED OFF