Chad & Amy: Once and Future Canadians

A Kansas City Power Couple Flees The Country

All Jazzed up for the wedding

It's not everyday that your good friend tells you that he and his wife are moving to a country so cold that you can ice skate on lakes in July. A strange and foreign land where health care is free, front door locks are unnecessary and you don't need a cable subscription to watch hockey. Where there's so little respect for pork products that they've somehow managed to confuse bacon and ham.


Don't get me wrong, I have oodles of Canadian jokes (mullets, denim, Labatt beer, politeness and diversity, what up!) but that's not what this post is about. I'm here to represent the hundreds, if not thousands or millions, of lucky individuals to consider themselves a friend of Chad Cummings, Amy Stewart, Bailey Cummings-Stewart and Duke. We who shared special moments with you, who helped you move in (and out) of your first house and, when called upon, collaborated with you to take over a small Missouri wine town for a weekend to celebrate your wedding.


Their exit from Central-North America was fast and frenzied, not to mention unnecessary; a whirling dervish of tying up loose ends in one country while at the same time lacing up a new pair of sneaks in another. With just one pair of shoelaces.


So to give them a proper send-off, I've spent the last months requesting that our friends send in their favorite photos of this photogenic couple. And man, have they responded. It's been thoroughly enjoyable digging up this digital time capsule. In the half-decade or so they've known each other, Chad and Amy have established quite the Internet presence, carefully constructing an impressive resume of ridiculous - some might say amazing - moments forever frozen in time (and tweeted, facebooked, instagrammed, texted, emailed and burned to a disk to send to parents).


Below are the highlights, separated into the following categories: The Couple; The Amy; The Chad; Potpourri: The Unexplainable.


The Couple
If you've known Chad and Amy for less than four years, then you probably don't know one vital piece of information about the small seed from which sprouted their relationship: Chad had a jerry curl when he first met Amy. I point this out for two reasons: 1) It's hilarious, and 2) Well, really that's it, see reason #1. When I see the pictures below and note the smiles on their faces, a small part of me wonders whether or not their mutual happiness would have ever existed had Amy chosen not to go out on a date with a dude with a man-perm. It's not a stretch to say that a white-guy-fro is an automatic deal-breaker for almost all many women. Props to Amy for making the right choice, boldly going out on a limb for my friend. She can rest assure that with Chad's aerosol can of Soul Glo forever relegated to the storage shelf, not only did she made the right decision, she has set a tremendous precedent for tolerance in their relationship. Basically, Chad owes her one.

Amy's initiation to KU athletics

Sharing their signature drink, some sort of raspberry lemonade concoction   

Really giving it their all during the 2008 KU Championship run 

I don't know what's better: Chad's chest hair, Amy's two drinks or the gropey convict in the background?

This is what you get when you look up "White Guy Dancing" on Wikipedia

Taking selfies before that became a thing

Big sunglasses and popped collars in the Caribbean

Hard to resist free donuts 

Making friend

Sucking up to Bad Santa

Midwest American Gothic

Even in the mountains, Bailey has to be the center of attention

Chad's doing a somewhat wonderful job of hiding the fact that his body has gone into shock from overexertion

Bailey chewed up Duke's invite to the family pictures, which is why he's not pictured

Celebrating weirdness, mustaches and the 80's for Chad's 30th

When I lived with Chad, I'm sure I made this face a time or two

Pretty sure every one of 'em is real

Two Chad's are just as creepy as one

An entire town celebrates their first dance

One of the best moments of my life. Pretty sure Amy, Chad and Witness had fun too. 

The Amy

As you can clearly see, Amy's completely comfortable in front of a crowd

This picture would be better if not for the creepster in blue

Sometimes it's a Friday night at Lew's and you're sitting at a table, and you've got to dance. On the table. 

Graciously putting up with Hef's dancing shenanigans

Always classy

What would the American Royal be without an ice luge? 

Nice picture of some good frien---Jaron what the hell? 

Making the local tabloids

If those purple shiny wigs could talk...

No (appropriate) comment

Um...see comment above

Hey there's that table again. And that thumbs-up guy too. 

The Chad

Always one to out-beard us

Celebrating a successful Nanobrew-fest with his Brew Live Crew (not sure if that nickname sucks)

It seems obvious that Chad was Kellie's muse

Nostalgia #1: When I gave Chad a Kirk Franklin CD (probably) and he was sporting a haircut that looked like something that rhymes with "seen us"

Nostalgia #2: Senior year soccer, when we weren't afraid to side-hug it out

Keeping it classy, tweed-style

Because you can never be too safe

The fro almost isn't the weirdest thing in this picture

Practicing for their public performance of Copacabana

Did we need to be shirtless for this journey?
Yes.

Testing our ability to process extreme cold at a ND football game

If Chad made a living writing romantic science-fiction novels, this would be his book jacket photo

Why wouldn't his pants be ever so slightly unzipped?

Amor fugado
(look it up in Google translate)

Always one to share

Say what you will, but the man can sleep ANYWHERE!

When you're this confident, you probably spend a lot of time saying, "I'm not going to explain myself"

Potpourri: The Unexplainable

Simply put, the best of the best!

Testing their tolerance against contracting diseases

This sort of efficiency will help Amy in Canada, where food prices are outrageous

A clear example of why ideas, however ridiculous they may seem at the time, should never be vetoed

There's not much that anyone should be comfortable with in this picture

So Chad fell in, right? 

This picture should make all of us miss Chad less

Amazing how Chad's not even close to the most bizarre person in this picture

Hydrating

Maybe my favorite picture, ever! Too bad we couldn't convince Chad to die his hair ginger.  

Sometimes happiness is sitting alone next to a kiddy-pool full of beer. And sometimes it's not.  

Disproving the theory that fun can't be had in an above-ground pool

Proving that real men - that is to say, men with perms - can expose their softer side

And that's it, folks! The best of the best that I could find. I'm sure I missed some great ones, so it's up to you to fill in the gaps. Show the Cummings-Stewarts that though they're in another country, they'll always be in our Internets.

So long, see you in Canada. Eh!

Stars and Stripes, Parades, Fireworks and Lakes. America.

Celebrating America with Stereotypical Awesomeness!

If this isn't America then I don't want to live here

America's Founding Fathers were a large group of political leaders, statesmen, soldiers, diplomats and regular everyday ordinary citizens who at some level, whether minor or grandiose, helped put into action the process that eventually led to the formation of The United States of America. Those that we read about in history books signed the Declaration of Independence and established the United States Constitution. Less celebrated heros fought bravely alongside each other during the Revolutionary War and died anonymously, unless they were portrayed by *Mel Gibson in The Patriot.

* For the record I've never seen The Patriot with Mel Gibson because I heard it was a terrible movie, so I have no idea who he portrayed. Well, that's not entirely true, I saw about seven minutes of it on TBS one afternoon, but it was, as I mentioned above, a pretty terrible seven minutes, so I changed the channel. I have, however, seen The Patriot with Steven Seagal - all of it. And comparing it to the seven terrible minutes I watched of Mel Gibson's version, I have to say that Seagal's is a much better version. It's a comedy, right? I digress...

It's unlikely that those men and women could have predicted the extent of the success of their endeavors, nor the direction in which the annual celebration of their triumph would evolve.

Sure, fireworks existed in the late 1700's. Try pulling the trigger after stuffing a loose ball of gunpowder down a musket and you'll see a light show. Parades happened all the time back then - it's impossible not to clap for people on horseback. And our version of a weekend lake trip shares only the most remote threads of commonality to our ancestors', who used the water for things like sustenance, laundry and mutton chop washing.

At this point though, it doesn't really matter how we celebrate our nation's birthday, just that we do so wearing some semblance of red, white and blue. And if you choose to celebrate it with friends, family or your overweight cats, by watching Independence Day (terrible movie, but still a great choice) or shooting off sparklers, or by struggling for hours to make homemade ice cream with a broken machine because your dad told you so, and at 32 you still have to do what your parents tell you to do, you're making the right decision.

Other than the obvious illegal and illicit activities, there's no wrong way to celebrate the 4th of July. This year, I took part in a parade whose total distance was less than that of how far I can kick a soccer ball. We grilled out and sat up on the deck with my nieces watching no less than seven different firework shows populate our 180+ degrees of vision, while my dog cowered inside, shivering, wishing the Brits had been more successful. My brothers and I drove a golf cart from tee box to tee box watching backyard firework displays.

I ended the weekend at Lake Tenkiller, a Hefner staple. Though it had been years since I last spent time there, and the family boat had long been sent to sea, aflame after a viking funeral ceremony (this part probably isn't true), I felt more than comfortable at Grandma Hefner's lakeside abode. I met new people and actually played games with them (for those who don't understand my almost allergic aversion to any sort of "game", this was a big deal). After a fun day on the water, wading safely from the shore and goofing around on jet ski's, we grilled out once more and celebrated long into the night and early morning.

A week later, the skin my back still peeling, I have these great pictures to prove my commitment to my country, my love for the stars and stripes and to use as proof that both my friends and family know how to have a good time. And if my patriotism is still in doubt, I suppose I can watch Independence Day for good measure. Again.

Dad participating in another 4th of July tradition: Avoiding housework 

I think it's obvious that David is attempting to close-line Georgia here 

The best part of being an uncle is spend fifteen minutes in the sun decorating your niece's bicycle only to have her destroy the streamers you so delicately placed. Or whatever. 

Reagan's eyes are closed because she thinks she saw a flying saucer to her right

It's amazing how much planning goes into a driveway parade

You NEED to see this picture again!

This probably happened when I told Sydney that she couldn't drive the car because she ripped off the streamers I taped to her bike 

The lead car. If you look closely you can catch me wearing a sleeveless shirt in the windshield's reflection. Very American!

Off to the races, with some encouraging pushes

OK, she left some of the streamers on, but the totally took at least two off

The parade in full force, Reagan in the back watching how other vehicles take the "hot corner" onto the street

Bringing up the tail end

No way David's not singing at this moment

Looking at this picture, I simply can't conjure up a snarky remark

Don't judge, some of us express our patriotism in freaking weird unusual ways

Many a 4th of July emergency room visit include with the phrase "cigar-lit fireworks"

Hef and I sporting copious amounts of patriotism and chest hair

Nick doling out instructions from the jet-ski

Tigersharks watching over our close-knit standing flotilla

Our Cast Away style raft, both ingenious and practical, turned into a floating recycling plant

Cole posing before shredding the lake

These chicks have NO IDEA what's coming

Never-mind, they do

Aunt Sam? Miss America? Slash on a patriotic bender? Only took seconds to come up with those...

Tara proving that there's more than one way to wear a hula skirt

I call this picture "Lakeside Serenity". Hef calls it "Quit piddling with the camera and just take the damn picture, meow!"